Kendra. Twenty. College student. Georgia. Devout Christian. Pro-Choice and Pro-Voice. Working to create safe spaces for people to share their abortion stories and to erase the stigma and shame that surrounds abortion.

Posted on October 21 at 12:33 pm with 1 note Reblog

I have three children already… my seven year marriage is an absolute joke… full of emotional abuse and affairs.

I put up with the affairs and pretended I didn’t know. I knew. My husband told me he hated me and thought I was disgusting to him and no wonder he “never wanted to have sex” with me, he couldn’t even open-mouth kiss me anymore. I never had the strength or the will power to leave. He had me so isolated from everyone— my family and friends. They all saw that I “lost the sparkle in my eyes” and I “just wasn’t me anymore.” I didn’t smile, and I never went out. My world revolved around my children and my yearn to just hold my family together. I just wanted my husband to want and love me again. He was all that I ever knew…

Until… I started talking to my mom’s friend. He was seven years older than me. He had two daughters of his own who are in their teens. He was 10 months just out of his 15 year marriage. He was rumored to be seeing my mother, but when he messaged me on FB because they were no longer speaking, he just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t mad at him either. I wrote him back and told him that whatever happened between him and my mom was not any of my business. He had to prove to me that he and my mother were just friends. We spoke on FB for about a month. Then we exchanged phone numbers and began texting. He would call me beautiful, and always hoped that I wasn’t married. He knew how horrible my marriage was; it was no secret to how horribly my husband treated me. He told me everything that I wanted to hear from my husband. He would always ask me out for coffee or to a movie, just as friends. I was way to scared to do that. Just talking to him made me feel terrible.

Two months into our “texting affair,” I came across some emails on my husbands account from his “gf, Carrie”. I was sooo enraged and hurt that I texted this man and asked to hang out. THAT night. I went over to his house, and after six hours of just talking and playing our favorite songs on Youtube to each other, he kissed me. That was the most passionate kiss that I had felt in at LEAST five years. I was petrified. He knew because I had told him. He was too. He hadn’t been with another woman other than his ex- for 16 years.

We ended up having sex. It was so intense and so heartfelt. It was romantic… there were candles and music. I wasn’t even shy to be completely nude with him. I was so insecure with my husband; I never undressed in front of him since he started making hurtful comments about my stretchmarks and “baggy belly”. I’m not fat. I just dont have my pre-baby, competitive kickboxing bod that I used to have when my husband first met me. But with this guy, I felt sexy. He made me feel that way.

It turned into a physical affair, and he wanted me to leave my husband. He made me happy, I loved him, and he loved me. He WANTED a baby with me… I ended up getting pregnant two months after we started sleeping together. We lost that baby at six weeks gestation. We were sad, and I felt that would be my strength to pack up my kids and leave my husband. But then my husband started coming around and paying attention to me because I wasn’t smothering him anymore.

A month after we lost our first, I didn’t get a period after the miscarriage. But I felt pregnant and I hadn’t gotten my HCG levels checked for a while. So we took a home pregnancy test. It had one very dark line and the other line was very very faint. Two lines = Positive. I was in shock. I didn’t want that again. I was learning things ahout this guy that weren’t much different than my husband, like his drunken flirting with much younger girls. I’m 27 and he was flirting with girls who are his nephew’s friends: 16& 17. He did cocaine when he would get drunk… I AM COMPLETELY ALCOHOL & DRUG FREE. I have never had any interest in them because of my awful childhood. These were all qualities that I did not want in a man. He was living with 18 & 19 yr olds in a party house. He lost his job and wasn’t eager to find another one, either.

I didn’t want to be pregnant again. I just wanted to be alone with my kids, heal and learn to love myself and be okay with just being a single mom of THREE. But he told everyone that we were pregnant again and was so so happy. I was against abortion, and adoption just wasn’t in my nature either.

I had an abortion this past Thursday… =’( The pain and the grief and the guilt that I am feeling is unbelievable! Almost unbearable. I was 15 weeks and one day gestation. We went to ultrasounds, heard the heartbeat, seen the baby wiggling around on the ultrasound. But things weren’t getting better. My guy wasn’t getting a job, and when we would fight, he would tell me he’s gonna lose my number and never talk to me again. I’d say, “What about the baby?” and he would tell me it would be too hard to see let alone raise a baby if we weren’t together. That scared me. I was fearing being alone with three kids, but three kids AND a newborn?!?!? He even questioned the paternity when he was drunk one night when they were partying at his house. You must know, that I haven’t been intimate with my husband in over a year and he had a vasectomy done after our third child.

I’m not talking to either of them. I had a break down and kicked out my husband. Hes staying at his parents. All I keep thinking is, That baby must have felt pain. I had to first be dilated at the abortion clinic. I knew once I inserted the Cytotec that there was no turning back… I was waiting for any sign that this wasn’t the right thing for me and if I had gotten one, I woulda wallked right out of that clinic… but there was none.

The guy knew what I was doing, and he was sad and told me I was killing our baby. But I sat down and went over my pros and cons sheet I had been working on, and the cons outweighed the pro by FARRRR. He didn’t say anything. He supported whatever decision I chose.

I am having the worst time right now. I am lactating, I feel soooooooooooo empty. I thought it was in my head when I could feel the baby move before. But I am reading that after multiple pregnancies, it’s very common to be able to feel movement earlier on. That was what I was feeling. Now I feel nothing but pain and sadness. I cry every night at just the thought of what I have done. And I am sooo angry that I waited sooo long. I still get the emails of how far along I am etc, etc. I unsubscribed to all of those sites. Hurts to see. When I am having a breakdown, I remind myself that I deserve this. That I deserve some form of punishment for what I have done. If I could turn back time… I would have found a way to just deal with it.

That was my unborn child, and I was the only one who was supposed to protect him/her. And I didn’t… I made a selfish, selfish decision. I am not sure that I will be able to ever forgive myself. I have a ribbon that I was given at the clinic and an ultrasound picture that I plan to bury or burn to say my Goodbye to my sweet, sweet Angel. Hopefully, in time the pain subsides. I have to keep in mind that I have my three beautiful children and they need their happy mom back. It’s still so fresh right now though.

-I have to keep in mind that I have my three beautiful children and they need their happy mom back. It’s still so fresh right now though - Project Voice

#abortion story #abortion #abortstigma #pro voice #project voice

Posted on October 21 at 11:22 am Reblog

I grew up in a strong Christian home. I was headed into life in the right direction until I made a few wrong choices, which in turn lead to the worst mistake of my life. While my parents were struggling through their divorce, I sought comfort in the wrong place. At age 17, I clung to an 18 year old guy for comfort when I should have turned to Jesus Christ instead. At age 18, I missed my period one February and just knew I was pregnant.

He didn’t want it, and I was terrified. I was extremely selfish and thought about what my family would think instead of how killing the child growing in my womb was wrong. So, we agreed and had it aborted. By doing that I opened the door for Satan to further ruin my life. I didn’t feel relieved at all. I felt worse. Not only did I feel like a whore bag— I was now a murderer. To make the pain worse, my boyfriend at the time would get drunk often and call me a murderer and tell me I was going to hell for killing a child. And as messed up as that was, he was right.

Romans 6:23-For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

I couldn’t turn to family or friends. I felt ashamed and dirty. Since then it’s been a long, hard road to deal with. He and I actually got pregnant again two years later, and this time I kept my baby. There was no way I was killing another child. The father and I are no longer together, and I am remarried and happy. However, recently this year, I’ve been compelled by Jesus Christ to get my story out there. I finally told my mother, who was gracious about it.

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ which strengthen me.

From a personal stand point… if I hadn’t taken Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I don’t believe I would be where I am today.

Numbers 6:24-26

King James Version
24The LORD bless thee, and keep thee:
25The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
26The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

God Bless

-I felt ashamed and dirty - Project Voice

#abortion story #abortion #pro voice #project voice #abortstigma

Posted on October 21 at 10:11 am with 9 notes Reblog

Dear Adrian Jordan Malik,

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you, sitting in my bathtub, my eyes, filled with tears, staring at the stick as those two blue lines come up. I was overwhelmed with so much emotion, but mostly I was terrified. In fact, I just sat there and cried for about three hours not knowing what to do next. The first person I told about you is a really good friend of mine, his name is Lenard. I didn’t want to tell your father because I was scared as to how he would react, but Lenard convinced me that the right thing to do would be to tell your father, so on that same night I got in my car and drove over to your father’s house to deliver him the news.

One thing I will forever be thankful for is the support your father showed me that night. It’s a night I’ll never forget. He was worried and terrified but happy because the doctor had told him that he would never be able to have babies and this was a miracle to him. I told him that I didn’t think I was going to be able to keep you, and he said he would support whatever decision I make but he wanted me to keep you and deep inside, I knew I wanted the same thing.

So that night, we both never slept, we stayed up counting the stars and running our fingers on my tummy thinking how you would look like, seeing your first smile, hearing your first word, what joy you would bring us and how we couldn’t wait to see you. That following morning I flew down to Atlanta with my family for spring break, and while I was on that trip is when I realized that I couldn’t keep you.

There was nothing I could give you, money, a decent family, and I wasn’t sure I could raise you by myself. So I set up an appointment to go to the doctor’s office on Friday, April 6th. I decided I wanted you out of me. Your father was in Arizona and he wanted me to wait till April 10th so that he could be there with me, but I wanted to do it fast before I changed my mind. When I had your ultrasound, I felt nothing but love for you, I will always love you. I couldn’t believe that I had another life growing in me. And on that same day I aborted you, you were only six weeks and five days.

They gave me anesthesia, so I wasn’t conscious when they took you out of me, but as soon as I woke up I couldn’t stop crying. I thought that I would feel relief once they took you out of me, but instead I felt empty, like a huge part of me was missing and I doubt there is anything or anyone in this world that could ever fill that void. I stayed in the hospital for another hour just crying before I left. That whole day I couldn’t stop crying. I wasn’t in pain physically, but emotionally I was shattered. And the next day I cried even more because I realized that on that Friday I aborted you, it was Good Friday.

My heart was just broken. I’ve never been so emotionally wrecked. I felt like I disappointed the two people who loved me the most, Jesus and of course you. I knew you loved me, I could feel it every time I ran my fingers on my stomach, and I knew you couldn’t wait to spend time with your mama. I’m really sorry I took that away from you. In my heart I know that you’re up there with Jesus, and he has adopted you and both of you have forgiven me, but I haven’t forgiven myself yet.

You’d be happy to know that I’m going to therapy, and it was my therapist’s idea to name you and write this letter to you. I want you to know that I think about you every day. You’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I sleep. I talked to your father two days ago and we both don’t know how to cope with this situation, so we are just gonna part ways for a while and hopefully, maybe in the future, we can be great friends. And I haven’t talked to God neither for a while… it’s been hard for me to face him after what I did, even though in my heart I know he’s forgiven me too.

Someone once told me something like “God knows our prayers, even those ones we don’t have the words for” so I’m really counting on that. I think from all this, the most important thing that I’ve learned is that life is valuable. So from now on I’m going to make the most of my life in respect of yours that I selfishly took away. I know that you’re up there looking down at me, and I’m going to make you proud of me. I am so sorry for taking your life away from you, and I really want you to know that I’ll always love you, and I can’t wait to meet you.

Your mother

-You’d be happy to know that I’m going to therapy, and it was my therapist’s idea to name you and write this letter to you - Project Voice

#abortion story #abortion #abortstigma #pro voice #project voice #this one had me crying

Posted on October 21 at 9:03 am with 1 note Reblog

I noticed in one of your posts you mention you have anxiety and I was wondering if you can help. I have never been to a doc or therapist about this but I feel like I have extreme anxiety as well as social anxiety. I almost never spoke out in class when I was in school, and just walking through the hallways I feel like all eyes are on me and judging me on my weight and appearance. I feel like I can't go out in public without trying to look my best and even then I feel like it's not good enough(1)

from Anonymous


(2) I have always had trouble going to school since I was in second grade (I would feel like barfing the whole way there). Even ordering in public or asking for help is extremely hard for me. Now that I am job hunting I find it totally hard to overcome this anxiety and everywhere I go I feel like I am not good enough to work there or I will just mess up. This has led to no success finding a job. I also have a huge anxiety with driving that my whole family is frustrated with and telling me to

(3) get over it, but every time I am thinking about driving or actually driving I am so terrified and I feel very anxious and like I’m about to barf. I have attempted to start an online store but even that makes me very nervous. On top of all of that I’m about to have an abortion and I feel like I’m caught in a space that I can’t get out of. My family thinks I’m just too lazy to get a job and being over dramatic about my anxieties, what should I do? (I am keeping the abortion a secret from them)

It sounds like you’re really overwhelmed!

Honestly, I completely (and literally) understand your anxieties. I went through the same things (and I’m still going through a lot of them; the job thing, for instance). 

I suggest speaking to your doctor about this. I know it’s scary and might make you anxious, but talking to your doctor could actually help. I got prescribed some medication that’s really helping me. It’s not perfect, but I’m hoping to get it adjusted soon so that it can help me a little more.

You aren’t being dramatic about your anxieties and you deserve to have some support through all of this. Is there someone close to you that you’re comfortable confiding in?

You are always welcome to talk to me, of course. I know you’re going through a lot right now. You will get through this <3



Posted on October 21 at 8:52 am Reblog

I have classes for most of today, but I have a queue ready to go for #AbortStigma. I’ll also be posting on Twitter (easier to do on the go) and Instagram. Those are personal accounts, but if you want to follow them go ahead. 

Don’t forget to spread love and support! <3


#AbortStigma

Posted on October 21 at 8:22 am with 112 notes Reblog

spirit-room:

"Speaking for myself, I knew it was the first time I had taken responsibility for my own life. I wasn’t going to let things happen to me. I was going to direct my life, and therefore it felt positive."

-Gloria Steinem (on having an abortion)


#abortion story #abortstigma

Posted on October 20 at 7:15 pm with 444 notes Reblog

pro-choice-or-no-voice:

abortstigma:

October 21st is the Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity for aborted fetuses.  

Don’t let them control the discussion that day!  Share facts on abortion, share experiences (within permission) and show your support for people who have had abortions!  

While pro-lifers are “silent”, let us be loud!

Don’t let them control the conversation on October 21st!

Remember, we have a Facebook pagean imgura twitter and a facebook event (for those of you who synced their calendars with FB!)

We also have a deviantART group and a sub-reddit, however they’re a bit sparse.

Our hashtags are:

  • #abortstigma
  • #mybodymychoice
  • #1in3
  • #lettsinspired
  • #takingbackthediscussion.

( Please, do not hijack pro-lifer tags.  Let’s not stoop to their tactic of hijacking on important days, but let us aim to get our tags trending. )

Mark October 21st in your calendars and queue up support!

TOMORROW’s THE DAY! Speak out in support of those who have had and who will have abortions! Share your experiences and share your support! ❤️


#abortstigma #get ready for tons of stories #i wish i could share them all

Posted on October 20 at 7:08 pm with 124 notes Reblog

What does the clinic do with the fetus, after you have an abortion?

from Anonymous


themidwifeisin:

Directly after an abortion, the products of conception are carefully assessed to make sure that everything was removed.  It can be very dangerous to have a small piece of tissue remaining in the uterus after a birth or an abortion.  

After the assessment, the products of conception are carefully sealed and sent to the lab for further analysis.  They are checked for many things, such as chromosomal abnormalities or infections.  Once the lab report is complete, the remaining products of conception are incinerated as medical waste.  It is the same process that everything coming from a clinic or hospital must go through.  Removed organs, amputations, blood soaked bandages, etc, must all be incinerated in a very specific way to prevent possible disease transfer.

If someone is 20-24 weeks pregnant and either they have an Intrauterine Fetal Demise (the fetus dies) or they elect to terminate a pregnancy with anomalies incompatible with life, they have two choices.  Either they can have a surgical removal of the pregnancy - the same procedure as an abortion - or they can have a “stillbirth induction,” in which labor is stimulated and they deliver a non-viable fetus.  After a stillbirth induction there is the option for an autopsy if the parents elect it, and the fetus can be claimed for burial by the family. Otherwise it too will go to medical waste to be incinerated.

I hope this clears things up.


#good info

Posted on October 19 at 9:55 am with 253 notes Reblog

abortstigma:

October 21st is the Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity for aborted fetuses.  

Don’t let them control the discussion that day!  Share facts on abortion, share experiences (within permission) and show your support for people who have had abortions!  

While pro-lifers are “silent”, let us be loud!

Don’t let them control the conversation on October 21st!

Remember, we have a Facebook pagean imgura twitter and a facebook event (for those of you who synced their calendars with FB!)

We also have a deviantART group and a sub-reddit, however they’re a bit sparse.

Our hashtags are:

  • #abortstigma
  • #mybodymychoice
  • #1in3
  • #lettsinspired
  • #takingbackthediscussion.

( Please, do not hijack pro-lifer tags.  Let’s not stoop to their tactic of hijacking on important days, but let us aim to get our tags trending. )

Mark October 21st in your calendars and queue up support!


#abortstigma

Posted on October 18 at 11:29 pm with 41 notes Reblog

pro-choice-or-no-voice:

If anyone’s looking to share their story about their abortions, childbirth, parenting, or adoption, our inbox and submission box are always open! :) - Paige

Same here! Pregnancy and miscarriage experiences are also welcomed!


Notte Themes     ☾